


Fallen Idols

by oxymoronassoc



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 13:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oxymoronassoc/pseuds/oxymoronassoc
Summary: Kat POV post Captain's Hand 217Kat grows to understand and resent that ideals and idols are human and fallible.





	Fallen Idols

Kat first noticed Starbuck was different when she returned from the Pegasus. She's a hero, everyone said, clapping the blond Captain on the back. Exemplary CAG, they said, hotshot who went outside orders to get the pictures needed to pull the mission off and was rewarded for her efforts, that rascal. Kat listened to what they said and nodded and smiled where everyone else did, not believing a word.

It wasn't that she doubted Starbuck had done what she had thought was right; Starbuck always did what she thought was best whether it went against orders or not. There was a stillness in her, though, a distance that, if she'd had a ruler, Louanne was sure she could measured it. Gone was the smirking, cocky flight instructor and in her place was someone hard and cold. "Give her time", Racetrack said. "It's nothing to be concerned about. It's Starbuck." But Kat was concerned. She wasn't sure what to make of this new person wandering around in Starbuck's skin.

And then the mistakes started. They were small at first. A changed rotation here, five minutes late there, sloppy maneuvers on CAP. At first, Kat didn't notice, but it became hard to ignore when five minutes became twenty and a sloppy maneuver became someone else's life. "Do you think there's something wrong with Starbuck?" she'd ask, but never get a real reply. She wondered sometimes if she was crazy and just seeing things, reading too much into little slip-ups. Then she realized everyone was just looking the other way and she snapped, not that it had done her any good for it beyond earning her the captain's irritation.

She'd always heard vague rumors involving Starbuck and drunken and disorderlys, but she was still a little disgusted to find this all too human failing in the woman she had grown to worship over the long months. Sure, they all drank too much sometimes, but Captain Thrace seemed to think it was some sort of competition. When they started in on body shots one night, Kat felt so repulsed she had to leave. "Don't be such a prude," Hot Dog said when she expressed her feelings later. She'd hit him for that and hadn't felt sorry. 

Then they'd been assigned to protect that fracking mining ship and it'd all gone to hell. The nuggets, her nuggets now, began to die, and Captain Thrace couldn't even seem to sober up enough to care. She remembered Starbuck after Chuckles died; quiet and somber as she comforted them with awkward pats and meaningless soothing words that nonetheless seemed to at least temporarily ease the hurt. Now she just looked irritated or worst, disinterested. And it pissed Kat off. No one had the right to treat the loss of human life with such apathy. She cried for them, late in the night when she thought no one could hear her. The least Starbuck could do was pretend to care. 

And how she talked to the nuggets, boy did that ever get Louanne going. She didn't know what had crawled up Starbuck's ass and died, but they could never make nuggets into pilots with a textbook quote and a pat on the ass. Starbuck might accuse her of babying, but, as much as it galled Kat to remember, she could still hear the older pilot coaching her into the landing bay even as she tweaked on stims; fierce demanding Starbuck who would never stand for failure. Only failure seemed to be the only thing happening lately when the captain was involved.

Kat used to pray to the goddess Artemis each night to bless her with half the skill of Kara Thrace. Now, she thanked the goddess for giving her more, giving her the skill to carry on and be better, be more than a fracked up drunk. She felt a little guilty, sometimes, as if she'd stolen something, but then everyone was screaming her name and cheering and it was washed away in the glow of elation that came with the win. 

When word spread through the bunks of Apollo's shooting, Kat spared a moment of prayer, asking her goddess why she hadn't protected her twin. She wasn't crazy; she knew that Captain Adama was no god, but sometimes he seemed so very celestial, so foolish sometimes in his actions like a hero from the Book of Kobol. She wondered then, as she finished her prayer, if perhaps Artemis had not saved her twin because she had met the wound herself. 

Later, when she overheard that he'd been hit with friendly fire, she caught a sudden chill and sent a heartfelt prayer that her luck was not a passing caprice. What was that stupid saying of HotDog's? When the mighty fall, they fall hard. 

Captain Thrace seemed to give up the booze after that. She seemed to give up whatever it was that was keeping her human too. She smiled and it didn't meet her eyes. She ate everything they served in the mess. She took cold showers. She always looked you square in the eye and Kat hoped that that look wasn't saying goodbye wishes. 

When she heard that the Captain had been transferred to Pegasus, she could only feel relief. Others moped and whinged about the loss, but Kat was pleased. When God spoke, you listened and Kat hadn't liked what she heard. Let someone else play the whipping boy to Kara Thrace's mistakes. 

And then she returned and now she was CAG. Kat wasn't sure what to think now. Gone was Starbuck, but gone too was whatever beast had been lurking beneath Captain Thrace's skin. She was the CAG now, no nonsense, no jokes, just Caps and regulations and paperwork.

"Kat," she said one day as Kat tried to quickly escape at the end of the briefing.

Kat paused, bracing herself for the Captain's spite or anger or whatever grudge the woman might hold. "Yes, sir?"

Thrace looked tired and drawn around the eyes. She seemed to move in a haze some days, stopping and looking around like she was missing something. Kat wondered what it was. 

"If you could look over these plans and give me any input, I'd appreciate it." Kara held out a stack of manila folders and Louanne took them automatically. 

"No problem. I'll get these to you later tonight." She hadn't known what to expect but being asked for help hadn't been anywhere on the list.

"Tomorrow's fine." A tight smile flitted over the Captain's mouth. "Fly safe."

Kat nodded and saluted as best she could.


End file.
